Smile.

So I was riding this black bike back home, in the middle of the shiny Finnish night, where the Sun never sets down completely, and breathing with a stupid slight smile in the face. And then I needed to stop and stare to myself (that's an oxymoron, obviously, cause there was no mirror anywhere), in the top of a hill, and after remaining without reaction for a while, I just set foot on the pedal again and dropped down the slope laughing, while listening to my own voice inside my not-as-healthy-as-expected (but that's fine) mind:

Look at you. When it all started, you thought you have reached the top of your possibilities, and you were so stupidly glad about it. Now, months later, with it all broken and bleeding inside your body, with all this pains ballasting your dreams, you're happier than then and you haven't even noticed it before. So much promises, so much future plans, so much scheduled life. And one day it just blew up unexpectedly, non-sense, without any reason, just whimsically. And what were you able to do during weeks? Just crying. Just realizing that, even you thought you were so clever, with your two well-graded degrees, with your four native spoken languages with just 20 years old, with all your premature independence... You thought you already knew everything about life, but life surprised you across the corner. Now you know you will never be clever enough to understand life, to understand the others, not even to understand yourself. And that's fine. That's so fucking fine. Cause now you don't know about your possibilities, you don't know either about your limits. And even it is not real that you are unlimited, as much as you dream with being so, you can be. And your dreams broke, your future left, your plans crashed, but life goes on. And you are glad you're alive. And you're able to smile upon this fucking black bike riding brakeless the hill down to your home. Happy.

So I arrive home, lock the bike, go up to my room, put the pyjama on and go to bed smiling. Happy of having learned I won't ever learn about life.